Kira’s Birth Story

“I’d known for a few years that I would want to have a home birth. I naturally came across more info about it and knew a few people who’d birthed at home. I felt I really wanted to prepare for a homebirth even for my first birth because it felt like the best place for my body to relax. We also have the bonus of living only a three minute drive to the hospital! So despite a few people saying they “wouldn’t risk a homebirth, especially for their first baby”, to me, it didn’t feel risky at all. For me, it just felt obvious that this was the way to go, so much so that when I became pregnant, I forgot that it might not be obvious to Josh!

After doing our antenatal course, he was easily on board (helped by the fact that we realised he also feels queasy in hospitals and is a fainter). We figured everyone labours at home for a while anyway (unless induced/c-section) so we would just plan to stay home and transfer if needed. We started getting everything ready (mostly our mindsets), ordering the birth pool to hire etc. and onto the birth… After a normal day on 13th May 2021 (39+5), I headed to bed around 10:30pm but couldn’t properly sleep as I was too jittery.

At midnight I got up to wee, and as I sat on the toilet my waters popped! I sat there in disbelief for a moment, waiting to see if it would stop but it kept trickling and didn’t feel like wee (and was clear). I called out to Josh and said I think waters have broken. I started to feel a bit worried because of everyone’s stories about being put “on the clock” once waters have broken and “having to have” inductions if contractions didn’t start quick enough. At this point I wasn’t noticing any contractions. Part of me wanted to not tell the maternity team that my waters had broken because I just wanted to sleep, but we felt we should so called triage. Fortunately, they were pretty relaxed and told me to try to rest, and to come in at 9am to get waters checked.

I laid in bed, desperate to fall asleep but also too excited, and also desperate to start feeling some contractions because I really didn’t want to be pressured into an induction. A few minutes later I noticed a very gentle period-like cramp and smiled to myself. And then maybe 10 minutes later, another one, and another one and so forth. Each time I would smile. Perhaps an odd reaction to contractions, but I do think my waters breaking then gave me a really positive attitude towards the contractions, because I was so happy they were there and doing their job! I did manage to get a little bit of sleep on and off. I wrote a letter to baby on my phone notes whilst I couldn’t sleep at the start! The contractions weren’t strong enough to keep me awake, but I was just too jittery thinking about meeting the baby to sleep deeply.

At 6am, I gave up sleeping and got up to have a shower so I’d have fresh hair for a few days. I started some last-minute house bits like making sure the kitchen wasn’t gross, and then woke Josh up because I needed him to get the dog walked and call his parents to come and collect him. Whilst I was alone I started to time contractions. Not obsessively but just to get an idea. They did seem to be getting closer together, but they were very easy to deal with.

At 9am, we headed to hospital for the waters check, after Casper had been collected. The hospital….. I hated it honestly. But the positive was that it made me very determined to stay at home when we got home later! I noticed as soon as we sat in a chair in the waiting area, that I was in more pain. I was still using the timer app, and noticed that the contractions got very sporadic all of a sudden. Some after 3 minutes some after 7. And varied in length a lot more. We were called into a room, a midwife asked about the waters and then left us for a bit. When she came back she said they were short-staffed and that I might have to birth in the hospital because they didn’t have enough staff to send anyone out to a homebirth. I felt my heart plummet. I felt so disappointed, and at this point each contraction was really hurting. Made worse by Josh saying “is that another one?” every time I closed my eyes! Eventually, I said “OBVIOUSLY!”, but fortunately I think that’s the only time I got cross with him.

I was determined not to accept a cervical check because I was worried that if I was a certain amount of cm, that they would tell me to stay at hospital. She checked my pad and agreed it was waters. She checked baby’s position (from feeling my belly) and heart rate and all looked good. And thankfully she didn’t ask to do a cervical check because I am terrible at advocating for myself and would’ve probably just accepted it. We then had a chat about induction and the fact they have to get one booked in “just in case”. I said that I really wasn’t keen, and she agreed to book one for the day after next, rather than the next morning. For this, I was grateful because it took the pressure off. We then had a chat about the homebirth and she confirmed the short staffing. I asked about the probability of being able to use a birth pool if I came in, since this is the main thing I wanted. She wasn’t particularly optimistic (but I guess they don’t want to promise one). After being there around 3hrs, we went back to the car and decided to head home via McDonald’s because she suggested getting some lunch.

I will clarify here that the hospital was only stressful for me because I didn’t want to be there. It’s just not the place that suits me personally for relaxing and giving birth! I ordered chicken pieces, whilst stuck in the longest drive-thru queue of my life, and suddenly finding contractions horrible and desperate to get home. At this point it was Approx 12:30. I remember going over some speedbumps on the way home and it was the worst thing. We got home, and I tried to relax, planning to watch a Disney film in bed whilst Josh blew up the birth pool so it was ready if needed. As soon as I got into the bedroom it became clear I was not going to be relaxing.

I knelt by the bed and laid with my head and arms on the bed, pressing the timer on the app and finding that the lady counting “in 2 3 4, out 2 3 4” was surprisingly helpful. I’m not sure how long I was there but suddenly I felt like I was struggling more and texted Josh “help”. He came in calmly thinking I just wanted something but then suddenly realised I was in pain and finding it hard. I asked him what took him so long and he said he was doing a bit of work!!! I told him to call the midwife because the app was saying to go to hospital based on the contraction times. He seemed a bit shocked at how quickly it was happening, I think we both were. He called, and whilst he started talking I remember shouting “Tell them I’m NOT getting in a car again!!” And I heard him say “Ummm, she says she’s not going to hospital”.

At this point, I think they told him they would contact him shortly, and when they called back they said that they could send someone from the homebirth team and that she was on her way. This midwife arrived at around 3:15pm. One of the things I remember her saying near the start was “I’ve read your birth plan and I love it!” and I remember thinking, “Yay! Someone who is supportive of home births!”. I think she just observed me for a bit to see how I was coping, and also told Josh to fill up the pool to make it ready. And the usual checks like blood pressure and baby’s heart rate. I told her I was finding it really hard and wasn’t sure how I would manage. At this point she offered me a cervical check, but she said I didn’t have to have one (my birth plan said none please). She reassured me it wasn’t necessary, but that it might help me decide whether to go to hospital for pain relief or not. I agreed. So I laid on the bed as I needed to lay flat for it. Josh cuddled me whilst I cried through a contraction because laying down made it feel absolutely horrible. And then the best thing happened. She announced in a happy voice that I was nearly 7cm, and that baby’s head was right there and ready to go, and that labour probably wouldn’t be much longer! I then changed my crying from pain to crying with happiness.

Suddenly everything felt easier. She suggested it was a great time to get in the pool. I have no idea what the time was at this point to be honest! But I think 4-5pm. The midwife asked Josh if I had a music playlist, which they then put on for me. I had made a few different ones as I didn’t know what I would fancy! At some point around now, a student midwife arrived and she was really nice. One of the things I really enjoyed about homebirth which I wasn’t expecting, was the occasional comments from the midwives about the house! Like “Aw your dog looks sweet” (there was a picture of him on the shelf) or “I love the colour paint you’ve chosen”. It was just a few things but I found that it really grounded me.

We were in the lounge now in the pool, curtains closed but nice and sunny outside, music going, and two midwives and Josh sat on the sofa around me, all nice and relaxed! At this point, the contractions were definitely intense, however, felt generally much easier to deal with now that I had the reassurance that most likely, our baby would be born soon. The water was also lovely relief. I remember telling Josh that if I was struggling at the start of the contraction, to remind me that it will end after a couple of breaths. It really was a fascinating feeling, feeling how crazy intense the contractions were for 30ish seconds, and then suddenly feeling that the peak happened and then eased off.

Then it got to the point where I assume I was in transition, because suddenly it felt a lot harder again, and I was begging the midwife to tell me how much longer it would be. I remember around this point my body felt like it was involuntarily pushing which was a rather intense feeling! I also told them that I finally wanted gas and air. I heard a little kerfuffle and then heard midwife on the phone talking to someone, saying that the gas canister was empty and can someone bring a spare. This made me panic a little! So I asked again, how long does she think labour will be?! She casually said “oh, not long”. So I asked her to be more specific. And she said “well I think you’re starting to push, so she’ll probably be here in around 30 minutes”.

At this point I was shocked! I think I asked “Am I actually allowed to push?!” And she said something like “Yes, trust your body, baby is in a lovely position and ready to go”. I was just in shock because although I didn’t want cervical checks, or to be told when to push, I still assumed that a midwife would insist on checking me, and that they would be telling me “you can push now”. The midwife then encouraged me that I could reach down and feel for baby’s head if I wanted to, that I wouldn’t have to put my fingers in far. At first I didn’t want to, I think I felt weird with people watching me. But then I decided to try it. It was incredible! And what was so cool, was when a contraction happened, I could feel her head descending, and then feel it go back up slightly as the contraction eased off. It was an amazing feeling.

At this point, I started to laugh a bit! I think I just couldn’t quite believe that she was about to be born, that we had managed to stay home and not need pain relief etc because that’s what I wanted, there was still that doubt in my mind whether it would happen, and I was certainly shocked that it felt so quick. So for the rest of the pushing phase, although of course intense pushing her out further each time, it was an enjoyable experience where the room felt really positive! With the pushing phase, I found that there would be one really powerful contraction that pushed her out further, then the next couple would be easier to manage and push her the same amount which hurt less as it had already stretched, and then there would be another powerful one.

Around this point, I remember someone else coming in the room (they always have 2 midwives present when baby is born, not including the student), and this person said “Oh wow, baby’s almost here, guess we don’t need this gas and air!”. Meanwhile, the student was taking the “please take photos and videos if you’re able!” Part of my birth plan very seriously. Knowing it was being documented also really relaxed me because it felt important to me. She was born at 7:08pm in the pool. There was no pressure to get out of the pool and we stayed in there around an hour having cuddles and chatting.

At this point, the midwife asked me if I’d mind standing up to deliver the placenta, because it hadn’t come out yet. It felt very odd and like I was doing a poo, but then it fell out easily with a push into a bowl. I got out onto the sofa, still holding baby, midwife was holding pot with placenta (cord still attached to baby). Sofa was covered with a shower curtain and towels. We sat and cuddled for a bit, and midwife suggested we take a photo of baby with the placenta still attached, since a lot of people don’t experience this. After this, I cut the cord. Then we went up to the bedroom as it would be easier to lie down and check if stitches were needed. I was still having skin-to-skin and trying to do the first feed whilst being checked out. They gave me the gas and air and a local anaesthetic injection whilst doing some stitches. I had 2nd-degree tearing. I didn’t enjoy the stitching process. I also wasn’t expecting to have an ibuprofen suppository! They did ask before doing it.

After I was sorted, she was weighed (7lb10). And then she was passed to Josh who had very patiently waited over 2hrs for his first cuddles. Meanwhile, I went to the toilet, as the last midwife isn’t allowed to leave until they confirm you’re in working order and have passed urine. I was shocked at the amount of blood coming out of me, but they assured me it was a normal amount and would ease soon. By this point, the pizza Josh had chucked in the oven was ready and we settled in bed to eat and have baby cuddles. We put a nappy on at this point, just as she passed her first poop. At 10pm, roughly 3h after birth, the final midwife did her last checks and then left the house…. And we were alone as a family!

It was very peculiar being alone after what felt like such a whirlwind, and the fact it was technically bedtime, but we weren’t tired at all because we were buzzing. We decided to call our parents to let them know the news, they both knew the waters had broken, so we didn’t want to leave them hanging! And then, we settled into our first night of newborn sleep. And what an adventure we were in for!

We feel so grateful for the experience we ended up having birthing our first child. Postpartum was so difficult for me but beginning her life like this was a dream. I’d really encourage everyone to sit with the fact that every birth you have will be life-changing. Don’t treat your first like a ‘trial run’! You can’t re-do it. This does not mean everyone has to have a homebirth - some people would hate birthing at home! It just means I’d love it if everyone can be as informed as possible about their choices and how their body works, and confidence to make decisions on the day if the plan changes”.