What It Really Means To ‘Trust Your Body’ In Birth
Birth is a bodily process. From the day we are born, the vast majority of us are breathing, drinking, sleeping, burping, farting, pooping, vomiting and communicating signals to those around us with little to no thought - and won’t we know it at 3am!
Of course, there will be the minority where there are varying levels of challenge to our bodies, where intervention and support are needed. Take yours truly: An enthusiastic IBS sufferer who painfully knows the struggle of trying to not poop oneself on my old hour’s commute to work on a train with no toilet - Praise the Lord for Imodium! There will always be a smaller handful of births where issues arise at no fault or control of anyone’s, where nothing could have prevented it. Here, we’ll focus on the majority and what it really looks like to trust your body.
Birth joins the bodily functions mentioned above. So much of the affirmating language surrounding birth speaks of a woman’s body knowing exactly what to do during labour and birth; a simple universal notion that our body won’t “fail” us as long as we just stick that phrase to a wall and repeat that affirmation until it loses all meaning. Now don’t get me wrong, affirmations are a wonderful tool to focus and reframe our experience of labour where there is an understanding of what it means for us and how to participate in it.
Without this understanding, the use of this language is dangerously leading women to believe that as long as they simply choose to trust their bodies, that is enough to ensure they have a positive, empowering birth experience. We can see this with some hypnobirthing instructors. I thankfully have seen hypnobirthing done well with nuance and individual care. I have also seen in a smaller number of cases overhyped birth workers comfortably snuggled beneath toxic positivity blanket statements. I hear all too often of those who were led to believe that mindset was enough, consequently feeling worse about themselves when their birth experience unfolded in a way they didn’t expect. Note: ‘Experience’ isn’t just an objective event in one moment in time, it’s a subjective impression left to take with you.
Trusting your body is not simply believing that it will do as it should, no questions asked! It requires us to meticulously get to know our bodies, questioning how we feel and respond to the following: sensations, our environment, thoughts and emotions, coping mechanisms, fear, love, people, communication, food, rest, medication, exertion, previous trauma, where its limits lay and what it needs to heal and thrive. It’s as much learning when we may need adjustments, intervention and support as it is simply birthing exactly as our plan states or completely independently.
Just like trusting a loved one, this trust in our bodies is built by deeply connecting. It doesn’t simply exist because someone said you should. Our bodies are wondrously complex, miraculous, reactive and made to know how to survive. We have systems in place to keep us safe, you may have heard of them as the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response. They keep us reactive to protect ourselves when we feel under threat. Fear in appropriate measure has a place, but fear in excess during birth will almost always be detrimental. There are many reasons are our stress levels could increase during birth and this may look like our bodies not knowing how to birth our baby by dragging, slowing or stopping. If you’re fully dilated, you may even experience the fetal ejection reflex where the baby is born quickly and uncontrollably - theorised that if needed, you would be able to take your baby and find safety in the face of danger.
If labour drags, slows, or stops, it can look very much like our bodies are failing us. We may even hear the phrase “failure to progress” (FTP) being tossed about without much critical analysis and individualised care. We may begin to hear our inner voice telling ourselves how we are failing as a woman and mother.
In this clever twist, when we’re “failing to progress” or as I like to think of it, ‘doing the best we can given the current pretty poopy circumstances’, we need something (s) to change; response to needs within us that aren’t being met. What we don’t need is our support system panicking and medical professionals jumping towards the amnihooks and synthetic oxytocin drip without investigating what may be the cause first.
Now let me just say this to all the women who have yet to give birth and to all the women who have given birth, especially to those with birth trauma and disappointment, our bodies cannot fail at birth! “Failure to progress” does not indicate we are failing; FTP all too often fails to acknowledge our individuality, that we are uniquely whole people who may simply need nonmedical adjustment. I hate the dehumanising and shaming language of FTP. Its effects can be harmful and place shame and blame where there is none.
What we need is to pause with our bodies and listen to it. Sometimes, it’s that we simply need that pause to rest and recoup our strength. We can also ask questions like ’ Is there someone in the room who is making me feel uncomfortable? Am I being failed by receiving care that disregards me, undermines my instincts and makes me feel unsafe? Have I been keeping nourished and hydrated? Do I feel loved right now? Is my environment comfortable and familiar? Am I in a position that allows my baby to optimally move freely down my pelvis? Medicalised interventions certainly have a place and can be life-saving, but there is a whole list of interventions we can easily take ourselves first in answering these questions - it could be as simple as having a wee!
Trusting our bodies IS not simply a state of being, it’s doing. In the throes of labour, it can feel challenging to ask ourselves these questions and find the answer when we are in what feels like another world where we aren’t in our rational, critical minds.
This is where it’s really important to educate ourselves and our birth partners on the mechanics of birth, the research on interventions and the system we are birthing with as much as we can during pregnancy. Also, to have a thorough birth and postnatal plan which will nurture us, help us heal and know where support is for us before, during and after birth. It’s imperative to have people around us in our birth who know and care for us to trust our instincts, recognise our needs and advocate for us to facilitate a safe, positive and empowering birth experience packed with love and care.
“Trust your body”. “Your body knows exactly what to do”. “Your baby knows how to be born”. These phrases without context, encouragement towards education and reflection risk jumping on the toxic positivity train on the chaotic road towards birth disappointment and trauma. To truly trust your body hopefully will help you get the birth you desire. It also means that you can be empowered and embraced if your labour unfolds differently. Your birth may be like travelling a straight, flat path on a bike - easy, uncomplicated and simple, or it may be like travelling a winding road with hills and troughs. There is equal pride, beauty and strength to be found in both in different ways. You can be equipped to know when to slow and bend with the turns in the road, journeying that meandering path confidently while making informed decisions that lovingly tend to the unique wonders of your miraculous birthing body and baby. C-section, vaginal, forceps, induction, epidural, gas and air, unmedicated, screaming, quiet, hospital, home or in the supermarket, no matter how you have your baby, you are worthy and your body is amazing. Trust yourself!
Check out our blog on the importance of preparing for labour and birth here!
(A word from Kez - In all my work, I always bear in mind the mums who have not experienced a positive birth experience previously. Every time I write, I am aware of the nuance within birth and understand that with almost everything in life, there will be a ‘what about this/that/them’ of which my words may not apply/cannot apply. This blog is a challenging write because I am aware of those who despite everything, may be restricted for a whole host of reasons (e.g. disability, disease, abusive relationships, discrimination, lack of access to education/adequate care, etc). I am also aware of the mums that have birth before and have lived with the shame carried from the toxic positivity sometimes found in the birth world. I know and have heard for myself the burdening lies that scream at us that we have failed as a woman and as a mother when those affirmations weren’t enough by themselves. My intention is never to shame. It’s always to ensure no woman feels shame, guilt, or failure as a birther or mother. It’s to always speak life, hope, healing and peace. No one will ever be able to fully cater to everyone, but I am doing what I can to be accessible, inclusive and loving to all. In all I do, I want to hopefully help guide you to the right support before, during and after birth - whether that be anything I can offer or through a whole host of wonderful support and services out there. Sending you all loads of love! x)